How to Understand Fear as a Guide to Fulfilment
Fear Facing Micro-adventure at Malham Cove, Yorkshire
In the journey of life, we often find ourselves confronting challenges that test our very limits, leaving us standing at a crossroads or in uncharted territories, unsure of which way to turn. It's in these moments that we must pause, reflect, and listen closely to what life is trying to convey to us. These moments, as daunting as they may seem, hold the key to unlocking our hidden potential and leading us to the path of growth and self-discovery.
My personal journey echoes the sentiments of venturing into unexplored landscapes. I am a creative woman who has always seemed to have a penchant for experimenting with life in all the wrong ways and adventuring on rocky ground. My overactive mind and nervous system, my restless naivety and undiagnosed neurodiversity always leading the way. After years of not listening to my own body, pushing myself into jobs, situations and places I did not want to be, with people I did not want to please and failing to learn from my own mistakes. I eventually hit rock bottom and traded in my years of creatively flailing through life, for years of chronic illness and disability, my travel companions were my inner demons, fears and memories of all the times I’d betrayed myself.
I believe that years of ignoring the pull to towards the outdoorsy path I wanted to take actually lead me straight towards illness. It’s difficult to say whether it was my history of poor choices or my unattended fears that were the underlying cause, but the stress of living a life that didn’t align with my inner needs left me with the inability to walk further than my own bathroom. Ignoring my own needs and not facing the fears that would have set me free ended in being confined to the four walls of my home, my life was controlled by the daily presence of ill health caused by stress. The experience of witnessing my mind and body struggle with every single part of life gave me a big wake up call.
I’ve had plenty of time to sit with my fears over the years and understand my main stressors too, I’ve confronted the loss of time more than once, it’s strange to feel like you can’t be an active participant in your own life, it’s even stranger to believe your body is against you. The fears of missing out on the life you planned get muddled up and intertwine with the fears of growing and getting better.
Being human is to be incredibly complex and I've come to understand that every struggle has a message, every setback a lesson, and every fear a potential breakthrough waiting to be unveiled. But most importantly I’ve learned that my body and mind are not against me, it’s a well oiled machine and if my nervous system thinks something is a threat, it will go to any lengths to keep me safe, even when the only threat is myself!
I’ve come to be incredibly grateful for the path life has taken me down, because it’s informed everything about what I do now, from becoming a nervous system nerd, understanding trauma, having a great deal of compassion for those who have been through the mill to being able to help those who want to begin to consciously create a life that makes them feel alive and use their resilience to see how strong and capable they are of creating their future.
Perhaps you find yourself treading a similar path to myself, navigating challenges that seem insurmountable, stuck in between a rock and hard place, confused, or like a failure. Or maybe your journey is distinct, marked by its own unique trials and triumphs, yet you still struggle to navigate the map leading you to your next destination. No matter the course you're on, one thing remains certain - there is a profound lesson embedded in your story, waiting to be deciphered and embraced, the key is to understand that if left to it’s own devices, the fears that have brought you this far will be the unconscious leader of your life and instead of feeling like you’re at the wheel, you’ll find yourself trapped in a self driven car with only one programmed destination - Regret!
It's not uncommon to find ourselves lost in the complexity of our own narrative, unable to discern the true direction that life is nudging us towards. In such moments, seeking guidance becomes imperative, for it is often through external perspective and introspection that we begin to unravel the mysteries of our own life lessons, fears and aspirations.
Fear, in its essence, is a guardian, a well-intentioned sentinel seeking to protect us from the unknown. Yet, if left unchecked, it has the tendency to confine us within a cocoon of safety, hindering our potential for growth and exploration. This internal battle often manifests itself in ways that may surprise us, from unconsciously manifesting illnesses as a means of self-preservation, like myself, to fostering anxiety by holding onto stress hormones that should have been utilised as a source of energy to help us grow beyond what is familiar.
Overcoming this cycle requires a delicate balance between embracing the unknown and respecting the boundaries of perceived safety that our nervous system has become accustomed to (aka, the comfort zone). It's about recognising the subtle clues embedded within our actions, deciphering the language of our fears, and understanding that every step, no matter how small, with patience, compassion and with encouragement will contribute to our personal growth.
Traversing this path involves acknowledging the need for rest, without mistaking it for giving up. It requires having an understanding that failure is a platform of which to launch yourself from in wild celebration and not berate yourself.
It entails embracing the concept of an alter ego, a guiding force that nudges us towards growth and transformation, urging us to move beyond the confines of our own limitations and ultimately being lead by a version of ourselves that knows what we’re capable of achieving.
At its core, understanding fear is about realising that the very thing we dread might be the catalyst for the change we seek. It's about deciphering the coordinates of our struggles and using them as a compass to guide us towards a brighter, more empowered future. It's about recognising that every trial, every fear, and every setback has the potential to be a stepping stone towards our true north, our own unique path of self-actualisation and fulfilment. We call it the getting out of the comfort zone, but is it comfortable if you’re not happy? Or is it just familiar?
So let this be a reminder that to do the things that scare you is one of the most important and all encompassing forms of self-care. To embrace your fears in a tightly wrapped cuddle, knowing that all they need is some encouragement and gratitude for showing us the way, for it is the things we fear failing the most that point us in the direction of what we truly want the most.
So with all the lessons I have learned throughout my own bewildering adventure of befriending my fears, celebrating my failures and and testing my relationship with what is comfortable vs what is familiar, I encourage you, to walk, to run, to jump and to skip towards embracing the things that scare you with passion and conviction, because the worst that can happen is that you will have to go back to the drawing board, but the best is that you will gift yourself memories of courage that light you up and make you feel alive for a lifetime.
Join me in this incredible journey of self-discovery and let's embark on a quest to uncover the hidden treasures of your own potential. It's time to put the spotlight on your inner strength and dance with your fears like never before.
If you're feeling ready to take the plunge into a world of self-growth and transformation, I warmly invite you to explore Free Spirit Coaching, my private coaching service with a side of wanderlust. It's like having a friendly guide on your path to personal liberation!
Trust in the magic of your unique journey and allow yourself to go on that adventure. I can't wait to walk this path with you, and together, we'll uncover the incredible possibilities that await!
